The future is fuckstraction

Australia just got called out for being one of the worst deforesters in the world and the only nation in the developed world to make the World Wildlife Fund’s (WWF) global list of deforestation hotspots.

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Brazil got off to a strong start but we’re watching up! Go Straya!

I think it’s time Australia fosters the development of a new industry which actively extracts the fucks.

The extraction should be done unsustainably, leading to the unavoidable collapse of the fuckosphere.

The fucks should ideally be extracted tax free but if some notional fuck tax must be applied, it should be applied in such a way as to minimise the actual fucks returned to the Australian people.

In fact given the future strategic importance of Australia’s fuckstraction industry it should be supported by huge fuckspayer subsidies.

Fuckstraction profits should be sent to an offshore tax haven entity part-owned by the brother-in-law of the Federal Fucks Minister such that they are untraceable.

The advisors to the fucks minister should be drawn from the fuck industry lobbying community and senior executives from fuck industry behemoths.

Somebody at some point should show a brief PowerPoint presentation to the Federal and State Fuck Ministers suggesting that a hypothetical three-and-a-half new jobs might be created for Fuckslanders, at which point the growth of the fuckstraction industry will become the bright, shining future for employment in Fucksland and no tree, body of water or native animal should be allowed to stand in its way.

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Koalas: standing between us and three-and-a-half more jobs for Fuckslanders.

Thanks to my good friend and total fucker Ben Rollins for the fuckspiration.

I’m Alan Jones, an EiR for startup accelerators, GP at M8 Ventures. Previously investor, founder, and early Yahoo PM. Opinions mine (but should also be yours).

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